Gaze at the gorgous view from our "lavish" Universal Hilton hotel room. I spy with my little eye; seven garbage containers, eight used up Metro buses, a cast-off sphinx, Highway 101, and a Nissan dealership. What a pleasure!
Los Angeles has got to be the ugliest city I have ever seen. And I say this with some authority as I have seen much while we were driven (by Satan, himself, in his fiery carriage) from LAX, through downtown L.A., and to Universal City.
Oh, the lavish room. Here it is.
Pretty extravagant, huh? It has a neato, locked mini-bar, sparkling, natural mineral water ("Provided as a service to our guests" for only $4.95), wireless Internet access ($10 per 24-hour period), and guest parking ($17 per day)! We feel like royalty.
You're probably wondering right about now what El Diablo looks like since he drove us from the airport to our elegant hotel. Well, he's balding with long, flowing salt-and-pepper hair. He drives, well, like the devil in his 12-passenger airporter van (colored red, of course). He has a penchant for taking up more than one lane on the freeway at any, random time while screaming (not yelling, screaming) Arabic over his cell phone. You already knew Lucifer spoke Arabic, didn't you?
Here is the Prince of Darkness' hellish conveyance.
I guess I should be grateful we made it here in one piece. Now, if we can just walk to a place to eat (my employer does not "do" rental vehicles...they prefer to leave the driving to Beelzebub). The menu for the hotel dining room does not have prices. And we all know that does not bode well.
Until next time (Lord, protect us from evil),
- Big Daddy Andy
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